Harassment and Abuse
Greetings readers! What was the first thought that struck you when you read “harassment and abuse”?
Did you picture a woman with bruises all over her body? Did your mind form imagery of a dark night with flickering street lights and chill air where a lady was being stalked? Most probably, your first thought was indeed a female. Now let’s just rewind a bit… What if I tell you that men have been in the aforementioned situations as well? The perception hence changes, right?
That’s what we are going to discuss here. Harassment and abuse are gender-neutral.
It all started when you left your kids unattended somewhere. A little kid, say about 3 years of age, was left with the neighbours. It takes not more than a second to destroy the trust the parents had in the neighbour. What started as bad touch slowly traumatizes the child. “Don’t talk to strangers” is a common piece of advice every child gets during his/her early childhood. As the child grows, we teach them good touch and bad touch. Steadily when they come of age, we let them know why it is unethical to touch someone inappropriately.
Statistically speaking, 1 in 6 men and 1 in 5 women have experienced sexual abuse. In most cases, the assaulters were well known to the victims. Now here’s a question that must have popped up while reading: “ A few women report cases of harassment, while the others fear society and don’t voice out. In such a case, why don’t men ever come and report cases?”
Honestly, when I heard this doubt from a friend of mine, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing! Is it the poor man’s fault who is taught not to abuse women, but isn’t taught how to fight abuse? The upbringing of men, where they are told not to show emotions, to embrace their so-called “manliness”, the society where men are supposed to be people who don’t feel anything, the parents who tell their boys that true men don’t cry… Are they at fault?
Were men allowed to cry? No, because it isn’t manly. Were men allowed to say that they were uncomfortable when someone looked at them in some way? No, because it made him less of a man. Hey, who sets these standards? Who said men don’t cry? Who said men can’t feel unsafe in an environment? Who said men can’t be sexually exploited?
Guys! Abuse is abuse. Harassment is harassment. Assault is assault. Your age, gender, religion, race, case, sexual orientation, etc., nothing can be excused. I repeat, nothing can be excused!
Referring to what I said a few minutes back, instead of telling your kids good touch is okay, tell them that touching itself is not necessary until they can perceive their surroundings well. I’ll reason that, hold on. When children can perceive their surroundings, they are well aware of this subject. They would know when to say no, and they will efficaciously.
Another prevailing custom is ‘victim-blaming’. The term is unambiguous. Society believes that the way someone dresses leads to others raising an eyebrow. Hold on, what if this happened to your son or daughter? Would you still blame him or her for the incident? If you said yes, my apologies, you need to think again. You are actually traumatizing their already frightened minds. Tell them it’s not their fault, they’ll never feel let down again.
In conclusion, ~victims~ survivors need nothing but your support. They need your assurance that it wasn’t their fault. They need someone who can cry it out to, someone who is not judgemental. They need someone who can empathize, not sympathize. They need just need the so-called normal life.
Thank you for the patient read! It’s Shreya signing off until we meet next time.
